What's That Smell?

Every family has to choose how carefully and closely we monitor certain aspects of raising our children. Sometimes we hold tight with conviction, sometimes we choose to become creative in our management style. So it goes in our home. 

Now don't get me wrong, I do hold tight with conviction that kids should bathe. They should shower or take a bath with the full goal of cleanliness in mind. In my home, however, I don't oversee this aspect of childrearing with a determined schedule. My oldest son showers every night. It's his routine, and he likes to feel refreshed before bed. One down, five to go. 

With the others, I have found that the power of connection covers a multitude of things. I cannot tell you on any given day when the last time the remaining five children were bathed. I don't pay attention and lend brain power to that. I've learned that if I am connected to my kids, the bathing will manage itself. For if this mama leans in to give you a kiss and a hug and there's an odor, you bathe. If you come out of the shower and I lean in to give you an attaboy or attagirl hug and encounter hair isn't fresh in a positive sense, you bathe again. 

Life does not have to be high stress. Let some things go. You'll be surprised what will take care of itself in the end. Just stay closely connected. Let that be the priority. 

The End. 

Vacuums and Flags

I stopped at the carwash to vacuum out my van. It's a 12 passenger and the things that hide in cracks would scare Jacob, so I try to get it done under the radar, even if it means doing so 10 days before baby is due. :) 

I pulled up to my favorite vacuum, the one with the best suction, and stepped out. Aaron, Eli, and Kenna picked up all of the trash for me. As they were working, I stood next to the van. There was a woman with her minivan doors slid open on the other side of the vacuum island. She too was cleaning out her vehicle. Her sweet little boy was neatly buckled in his seat watching his mama work. 

We visited about various things, mostly family. She came from a family of 7 children, and she had three children herself. Their ages were 6, 4, and 2. I praised her son for being so good to allow mama to work and just being so sweet in his seat. Meanwhile, Kyra was pulling on her carseat straps, anxious to join her siblings in the revelry of picking out the trash. This woman was kind and we had a lot in common. We laughed some, talked, and had an understanding that happens when your lives are so similar. But we were different. She was black. We were both finishing up, when something happened. 

He pulled in on the other side of my van. Jacked up Chevy pickup, baseball cap, jeans, and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. On the back of his truck, he was proudly waving the confederate flag. I looked over at the woman next to me. I studied her reaction some. She looked up, took in the view in an intentional but not obvious way, and packed her van with a spirit that seemed more hurried. I sat in my driver seat and slowed our leaving down. I was not going to leave this woman alone. Not that this man had any ill will toward her. Honestly he didn't even seem to notice either one of us, and he may not have been racist at all. The representation of a stereotype was there though. I smiled at my friend and we waved as we both drove away, my van following hers out of the lot. 

I don't believe that the government should restrict the lessons taught about the Civil War. We shouldn't wash it down until it feels comfortable. It wasn't comfortable. I don't believe that we should restrict the right one has to fly the confederate or any other flag for that matter. 

I do think as people we should consider how our actions and exercising of our rights affect others. None of us operates in a vacuum.  I have a real problem with what I saw today. A woman, walking in fear, so that her fellow countryman could fly a flag on his pickup. For me, I'll willingly lay down my right to fly that flag, but don't let the government tell me I have to. That's not the role of government. 

1 John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." 

 Romans 14:19  "So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding."

Cheeseburgers and Billy Graham

We stopped to have lunch at Steak 'n' Shake after church. We arrived at the Mooresville location as a party of 8. We waited as is the custom for parties of 5 or more. At one point, the hostess said they were cleaning off two tables by the window, and we'd be seated as soon as it was done. Another young gal sat two different families at the two tables. We waited some more with 6 children.

After we were seated, we waited. Our waitress took about 15 minutes to make it to our table. During that time, we watched this young girl scurry about, clearly stressed about something, and moving with a timid gait at moments. That's when we saw her approach the table. The one where the family was seated with the matriarch and her furrowed brow, pursed lips, and intent to chew. Her words were not heard by us, but it was clear they were unkind. Her thoughts were not about the young girl who was serving their food. She had a problem, and someone was going to have it!

I turned to Jacob, sad for the waitress. She looked late teens to me. Turns out she was only 20. This unkind woman didn't stop at the table side lashing. She took her tromping, standing at the counter with a hand on her hip, family in tow to the front counter. The manager would hear from her again. See, he'd already been to the table with his employee.

Our waitress arrived at our table, apologizing half heartedly, looking a little like she could cry. I said to her, "Breathe. Remember, some people are just plain grumpy and don't enjoy life. That's not your problem." She smiled. We talked a few minutes quietly about her day, how she was feeling, and thanked her for being so sweet to come and take our order after a tough situation. We learned a lot about her during our short interactions. She visited our table often and was sweet to Kyra.

She was 20. Her mama died a year ago, taken by cancer. Her only sibling, a sister 10 years younger, went to live with her own father separating the girls. She said she does get to visit her sister a couple times a week and her face lit up. Our young waitress did not have any idea where her father might be. She had a grandmother. So young, so alone. My heart hurt for her.

She messed up a cheeseburger. The world "let her have it." But Jesus said no! He put in our heart to set aside our lunch to minister to this young girl. Jacob shared words with her as we were loading into the car. He placed a tip in her hand and hopefully a little light in her world. Jesus cares.

Billy Graham. How we will pray for Billy Graham who is 95 years old. This man ministered to millions of people and is the greatest evangelist of his time. He ministered in filled stadiums, in tent style revivals, through books, devotions, speaking engagements, one on one encounters, and I'm sure many more settings. Since we serve the same God, I can't help but know that the same power that thrives in Billy Graham, lives in us too. Even when your cheeseburger is wrong.

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 

"I need you to have new vision." Dr. Hui B. Lee

To see with skilled eyes is a gift. Oh, to see past the glaring surface, the painfully obvious, the first impressions makes vision exceptional. 

Yesterday, we took our Ian to see the surgeon who is partnering with us in the reconstruction of Ian's face post accident. Two reconstructive surgeries are complete and we are moving into a territory of revising and fine tuning. This road has not been easy for Ian. He has had to come to grips with a new reality. He's processing how life can change in an instant, even when no one has erred. 

He was playing football that day. Just catch really. He was throwing the ball with Brandon when he was hit by the projectile. He is thankful to have his sight. We talk about that often; the ability to see and have his own eyes. He has experienced miracles in healing. Where he was told he would never regain feeling in the left side of his face, he chose prayer. He prayed without reservation about it. His brothers, his friends, his parents, his family, and his friends all prayed. One day, overnight, he regained feeling! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! 

He has felt fear, anxiety, sadness, confusion, joy, peace, anger, and a host of other feelings. He has experienced the pressure to be strong in a very intimate and real way. He has been able to connect with his Dad about what it means to be forever changed on the outside. He has felt the embrace of several people who chose to walk this road with him. There have been people who have really come alongside during this. He has also been subject to stares, unkind words, and dealing with the awkward silence of some of the kids he knows. 

We shared the emotional side of his journey with Dr. Lee. We asked for his perspective, thoughts, and any encouragement he might have to help Ian with the internal process. 

Ian shared that he was struggling with looking in the mirror and realizing this is permanent. He hates the sight. Dr. Lee pulled the picture of his original surgical scar. They looked at details. That's when he took a mirror from his desk, sidled up to Ian and said, "I need you to have new vision." Words I won't forget. As this surgeon talked about seeing past the surface, looking beyond the redness, lumps, and into the real issue - the scar line, he spoke life into us both. He pointed to the very thin line that was there. He assured Ian that the redness and lumps will go away. He said they always do, but that the scar line is permanent. The scar line is so thin, so fine on the lower half. The top side by his eye is thicker, but we're working on massaging it into submission. 

That night, laying on the bed, Ian, his Dad, and I had a great conversation about Dr. Lee's words. "I need you to have new vision." We'd been praying for understanding, for a real sense of God's direction. "I need you to have new vision." We understood the words of God as spoken through the mouth of a surgeon sent to help in this leg of the journey. 

Yes God, we want that new vision. Your vision. 

Job 10:4 Do you have eyes like those of a human? Do you see things only as people see them?

1 Samuel 16:7 The Lord doesn't see thing the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 

Amen. 

Eli the brave. He just turned 6. At 6, that boy has more courage than I do at 37! I am desperately afraid of the dark. The night was cold, dark, and quiet. Jacob had gone out to manage the cows in the field and some other stuff that you do when you own livestock. He was out in the field, so our barn was dark.

I needed someone to take a bag of buns out to the chickens in the barn. I asked the boys, and one responded. Eli the brave got his coat on, took the grocery bag of buns from my hand, walked to his room and picked up his bb gun. He was off. He was halfway there when I realized there was one plate of pizza. Don't you know chickens like pizza! I called out to the night for him. When he didn't call back, I assumed he was in the barn. A minute later, the door opened and little Eli the brave appeared asking what I needed. He had the bag of buns in one hand, bb gun in the other and was poised like a real farmer with a shotgun on a hunt. He's growing up too fast! Again, he walked back into the dark night toward the barn.

Eli returned to the house, and I was invited. He invited me on a mouse hunt! Quickly, I put on my coat and shoes and followed this little boy to the barn. As we approached the barn door, he said to me, "Mom, I know you're not experienced in mouse hunting, but the first think you need to know is you have to keep your mouth quiet." Acknowledging the seriousness of the opportunity to let him lead me into his adventure, I complied. Mostly.

I held the flashlight as Eli the brave gave slight nods to indicate where I was to shine the beam of light. Together we hunted the furry rodents for about 30 minutes. We didn't catch any mice. Eli said the night was too cold and his dad likely scared them all off when he got into the hay. Content to call it a night, he promised that we would hunt mice together again. Just the two of us. I'll look forward with great anticipation to that day.

The window into his little world was so precious and full of excitement. Thank you for the invite Eli. I can't wait until the next time.

Love,
Mom