Shadows of the Dark

Darkness is so... dark. I'm surprised by how dark it is really. But light. Light is so... piercing. It's not comfortable at first. People living in darkness run from the light. It hurts. It exposes. It requires a response. No longer are you covered by the shadowy cloak of darkness when you encounter the Light.

But Light. It attracts and it dispels. We want to be near it. It offers hope, newness, life. We come closer, allowing our eyes to adjust slowly. Then, maybe we take another step closer to the Light. As our eyes adjust, and our skin is exposed, we learn how rich this light is and we revel in the Light.

We are aware that darkness is out there. We ask the Light to take us into the darkness. We do this not because we are better, but because we know how dark darkness is. And we've experienced the Light. We've tasted His goodness. We know His protection. We want the same for those in darkness.

Light does not depend on us to shine, though it does shine in us as we belong to the Light. True Light is unbridled; not under our control. Just as we don't tell the sun when to rise, we cannot dictate what the Light does. We can only influence our response to it.

Outcomes

"She was 71. She had a mass pushing on her heart, and when she went into arrest in surgery they couldn't get her back."

My brother Joe shares his stories of life as a paramedic on an ambulance with me. I learn a little more each time he does. I learn about life, relationships, good, evil, free will, sin, salvation - because his stories intersect with God's story every time. He shows up when one of God's precious children is in the midst of a cry for help.

She was 71. She didn't make it. Her family reached out to share a message of thanks to the paramedic who played a role in her care. He had worked hard to restore her heart rhythm, even delivering her to the hospital with a steady beat. Her heart was under pressure. So much pressure, it would not withstand the rigor of the surgery that was designed to heal.

I told Joe, "Success is not defined by outcomes." He did his part well.

Joe is a great paramedic. God has gifted him. He has the ability to know when he's done well, and he can move forward to the next thing. I'm sure he thinks about his stories, but he's resilient. He always has been. I admire that.

I resonate with the few sentences at the end of this woman's story. A heart under pressure, struggling to find it's rhythm. I wonder, worry, and ask the Lord what will become of the next step in this journey my family is on. I hold my breath in anticipation of the next revelation of the Holy Spirit moving. I fret over whether I'm doing this well. And there He is, my Savior, whispering to me, "Success is not defined by outcomes." This life is His. The earthly outcomes that my eyes see... they are not the end. The success lies in the process of obedience, and ultimately in the promises of my Holy God.

I realize I have been in my own surgery; this cutting away of the mass pressing against my heart. Thank you Jesus for inviting me into this process of letting go.

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." HE CARES FOR YOU

Riding in the car with a hungry 2 year old is an adventure best left undone, except for today. Kyra was the kind of grumpy that kept her snapping at me and Ian both. We were both in the front seat, in her field of vision. She even told me to not talk to her until her Dad came home. Since he's out of town for a couple days, I'm pretty sure she'll recant that one. :) 

She was starting to really wear on me when she announced, "I'm going to sleep!!!" I responded with, "Well praise God Kyra!" Arms crossed, furrowed brow, and a firm reply from her, "I left Him at home. He's not working!" I don't know who is going to break the news to her that she really isn't in charge of the universe, but that was great fun. She gave the Lord the day off. 

Don't we all attempt that sometimes? To give the Lord the day off. Or at least the moment right? That ugly, fit throwing moment? I know I do. Thanks for the laugh and for the great lesson today, Kyra. I love you. 

The Priority of Frustration - and a Camera

I’m not usually one to fret over if the house is clean, or if everyone looks groomed and put together. That’s just not how I’m wired. But there are days... And then the Lord reminds me of this one simple thing - there are 8 lives being shaped in this home. I walked around today to see what was actually happening and decided to take my camera on the journey with me. 

Beyond the laundry and cluttered counters there’s a man working hard in his office to provide for his family with his son studying beside him. One boy is learning more details about verbs, while changing his attitude about English. Kenna is enjoying Isaac and making him laugh. Eli and Kyra are playing in the dark in the basement with flashlights. I guess those cluttered counters don’t really matter after all. And that laundry? I'll be danged if it won't be there tonight just a waiting. To everything a time is assigned... Today, it's relational gratitude. May I choose that everyday.